It just occurred to me that there are some poor, deprived people in this world, and that I should do something to help them. And that should also make this entry extremely easy to follow, because most of these people are the types not very familiar with the internet, such as citizens of Third World nations, feral children, old people, AOL users, and the mentally handicapped (such as the writers of Crank Yankers).
Onto my public services...
There is surely someone left who hasn't seen this image and while we're at it, a lot of related ones (remember to scroll down).
And what about that poor person who has never read the epic actual college-level essay "Planes, Trains, and Plantains: The story of Oedipus." Remember to click "next" at the bottom of each page. That's a good feral child.
And what about making some horrifying historical moments into scenes of musical greatness?
Click here for a way better animated version of the previous image.
And now, something especially for the old-timers: A page taken from an actual 1950s cookbook with special commentary. In fact, I'd recommend checking out that entire article. (Click the link, ma'am. No, with the mouse button. The left one. Do it twice. No, twice fast. No, I don't think you need to call Tech Support. Stop smacking the monitor.*
*(When my mom taught a computer class filled with old people, several of them actually did this because they expected it to make some gears slip into place or something)
And here's one especially for you AOL users:
See that tiny little bit in the bottom-right corner? That's called the "Internet" I hope that you all will be able to experience it one day. But you'll have to switch away from AOL in order to do that.
Finally, the thing that you all need to experience the most is YouTube's most watched video of all time.
Well, I've improved on the minds of the Internet-deficient enough for one night. Now I think I'll go and fight global warming by increasing the population of pirates.