Friday, November 30, 2007

Let's Do Something Vaguely Political!

So I went to a school debate last night between the College Republicans and the College Democrats, and I happened to notice that many students were taking notes, so I took a few notes of my own:

Debate Score:
Defined as who "won" each debate. I'll admit that I completely lost track of this one, and that the Democrats should be way farther ahead.

Republicans: 6 Democrats: 12

Bullshit Tally:

Republicans: 12 Democrats: 10

Witty Comments:

Republicans: 2 Democrats: 4

Unabashed Grandstanding:

Republicans: 6 Democrats: 2

Self-Contradicting Statements:

Republicans: 2 Democrats: 1

Abuse of Emotional Words:

Republicans: 4 Democrats: 6

General Stupidity

Republicans: 2 Democrats: 4 Moderators: 3

Sorry moderators, the United States is not the richest nation in the world. Not even in the top 5, when you are looking at it per capita, which is what you need to use when talking about a potential future universal healthcare system.


Republicans: 2 Democrats: 4 Audience Members Asking Questions: 1

Seriously lady, how can you possibly think that we're dumb enough to think that it's Bush's fault that poachers in South America are causing certain animals to become nearly extinct?

Not Knowing Their Own Party's Position

Republicans: 3 Democrats: 0

Completely Losing the Audience:

Republicans: 2 Democrats: 2

Defined as being so damn boring or confusing that everyone quit paying attention.

Not Shutting the Hell Up

Republicans: 3 Democrats: 3 The Exact Same Audience Member: 1

There's one of these people at everything that allows the audience to ask questions. In Florida, they have their own special way of dealing with them.

Leaving Early

Republicans: 0 Democrats: 0 Students: 25

Also, I'm proud to announce that I was instrumental in helping create the following legendary image on a Fark thread today regarding the new bin Laden tape. If you don't get it, then you just haven't spent enough time on the Internet:

Image Hosted by


Vicus Scurra said...

Is it just me reading this, Adam?
Such a waste of talent.

Adam said...

If it makes you feel any better, I showed my original list to several other friends present at the debate. I also attempted to get it published on the Editorial page of the school paper, but they were only doing a half-legnth deal for the last paper of the semester, when this was written.