Before you ask, no, my home state of North Carolina is not voting tonight. Someone decided that our primaries should be in May. That way we'll already know who the nominees will be, and we can cooly say that we voted for the candidates who got the nominations, and that we always vote for the winner.
But Comedy Central has some great coverage on their up-to-the-half-hour blog. Which is highly useful, since you're probably reading this on Friday afternoon. They are pretty much telling me exactly what the TV is:
"Obama, Clinton, McCain, Romney and Huckabee are all winning places and losing other places.
Meanwhile, CNN is trying to find out if they can make it to 9pm by just saying the word "percent" over and over and over and over and over again."
Their description of CNN's music made me flip the channel to watch them. Someone made me watch for a while longer by saying that Huckabee "doesn't believe in evolution, gravity, or photosynthesis." But then they blew it by saying that John Kerry was the 2004 Republican nominee.
So now I'm switching back to MSNBC, which give me really essential information, like how there are 2 hours, 28 minutes and 12 seconds until the polls close in Alaska (Not to be confused with when we will actually know who the winner is in this essential state).
You can get the only real-time results that a human brain can comprehend on this site by Google...Maps? Also useful for my sometime-next-week crowd. It includes insightful comments from people all over the world such as:
A Marie Ross
in Columbia, MO
Bananas have crossed to the dark side. Time for Super Tuesday Blueberry Banana Bread.
in Mumbai, India
"WTH is Super Tuesday ?"(8 million comments telling you who won what state, in case you can't look at the bar to the left)
Sikachu (Not a Pokemon)
in Bangkok, Thailand
Carson wins re-election to school board.
I have to say that I must have looked at those comments for a good 30 minutes, and that many more of them were just inane, as opposed to comically dumb as I had hoped. Oh, the things I'll do for my readers (A Mr. Scurra of the UK). And if you're wondering the answer is yes, I should be writing some papers right now.